Day 4,

Do you ever look in the mirror and want to slit your wrists. I do. It is one of the many joys of being depressed. Some of the other include but are not limited to not moving from bed for days, feeling like nothing will get better, and many other feelings of nothingness. Feeling empty. I think that’s why when I’m really depressed I starve myself, I like to feel the stomach aches of being hungry. Other times I will eat so much I feel as though I can’t move. I hate my job. That said I feel the best when I don’t drink its a huge trigger for my ptsd. I need to get better.

Well now that that’s off my chest. I didn’t do snow last night, does that mean I’m growing up? Fuck no, I’m 23 I will just do it this weekend instead, meh maybe. I want a beer, but not drinking beer has helped me lose weight but you know beer is so delicious. Especially a hoppy, bitter IPA. Like Insight Trollway, or Bells Two hearted. I would love a Hopslam, I wish they had it for more than a few months a year. Or a small maybe 6oz glass of Indeed LSD or the Mole Stout by Surly.  I only have Left Hand Milk Stout. I also have vodka. I want a hoppy beer though. I will pick some up for tomorrow after work. A nice big cold glass of goodness.

No men in my life today. Tomorrow night is Friday so maybe a boy to hook up with tomorrow night.

❤ Paige

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